On Forgiveness

"Widely confused with forgetting or reconciliation, forgiveness is neither. It is not something we do for others; it is a gift to ourselves...To acknowledge that we have been harmed by another but choose to let go of our resentment or wishes for retribution requires a high order of emotional and ethical maturity. It is a way of liberating ourselves from a sense of oppression and a hopeful statement of our capacity to change. If we can relinquish the preoccupations and pseudo-explanations that are rooted in the past, we are free to choose the attitudes with which we confront the present and future.

We are all burdened by memories of injury or rejection or unfairness. Sometimes we hold on to these grievances with a bitter determination that causes us to become preoccupied with the persons or institutions we hold responsible for our unhappiness. We live in a culture in which the sense of being wronged is pervasive. If every misfortune can be blamed on someone else, we are relieved of the difficult task of examining our own contributory behavior, or just accepting the fact that life is and has always been full of adversity. Most of all, by placing responsibility outside ourselves we miss out on the healing knowledge that what happens to us is not nearly as important as the attitude we adopt in response."

(from "Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart," by Gordon Livingston)

On Healing

... to make blossoming possible, we must embrace our losses. We must face the reality of a brokenness of heart that is both personal and of the world. Surprisingly, that is when we discover that the pain is the mantra: the very suffering of the world can be what repeatedly calls us back to the imperative of its healing. If we can persist and sit with the reality, not running from it, a music may eventually be heard. The fetters of destructive control loosen. Life’s dance resurges. And there is joy in spite of everything.
- Alastair McIntosh, Soil and Soul

HoopPath Retreat 2009 (pt. 2)

Another retreat... another soul-shaping 4 days. I was mostly prepared for the emotional aspects of the weekend this year, and any upsurge of pain or bitterness was quickly balanced out by an overwhelming amount of love, gratitude and laughter. As a result, I came home EXHAUSTED this year, but deeply entrenched in a well of vibrant and vivid emotion. To put it best - I LIVED this retreat. I soaked it in, let the flavors settle in on my tongue, I ate well, I slept well, and I took time to breathe as well as dance. I spent wonderful moments with my hoop sisters and brothers - though it is never as much as I would like, and the time we have together moves too quickly at events like this. There always seems to be a million things I didn't say that I remember when I am driving home or sitting here at my desk a few days later.

To explain a bit - The Hoop Path is a hooping instruction-based company located in Carborro, North Carolina. It is run by two individuals, Ann and Baxter. Baxter developed his teaching curriculum after 2-3 years of hooping daily on his own, recovering from a shoulder injury. After hooping for a while, Baxter started noticing that his Depression was lifting. He began having moments and stretches of time where he felt good, whole, and connected to the world he lived in. He began teaching classes that interwove metaphors, life experience, struggle, joy and mindful movement. The hooping community, once catching wind of this sort of teaching, went sort of nuts. It seemed we were all starving for a way to access this particular pearl inside of ourselves - to be nudged just enough to awaken into our true unapologetic states of being, both inside the hoop and out. Baxter serves as a light on my hoop path, a pulse to ground myself in. He has by far been the most influential and empowering instructor and hooper I have ever come into contact with. It is because of Baxter that I can say with confidence, humility, and deep gratitude that "I AM A SPIRITUAL HOOPER". My hoop is my personal doorway to peace, balance and connection to Life. This year was my second Hoop Path retreat, and the third one that has been held. It came at a time where I really feel a blending of my hooping life with my daily work/home/family/friends life, in terms of cultivating that peaceful abandon I feel while moving with my hoop in other areas of my life.

One of the topics discussed this past weekend was appearance and the importance people place upon it. Baxter pointed out his noticing that some hoopers are seemingly too concerned with what other people see and think... that we can get tangled in the web of trying to gain acceptance through other people's eyes and subsequently prohibit ourselves from growth. We worry about tricks, we push through the important steps of learning how to hoop or connecting with our personal rhythm in a vain attempt to master grace too quickly. One of the metaphors used, in terms of being on a path as a hooper and a human being, was the imagery and literal ascension up a mountain. While surely you can just begin to run straight up the side of the rock face and make good ground for a while, it will soon exhaust you. There will come a time where the rock face is too steep, where you suddenly lack the understanding and ability to continue on that straight-to-the-top shortcut. If you slowly circle the mountain, however, and ascend it slowly... you gain a steady momentum. You gain wisdom with each step. Your dance, understanding and awareness comes naturally and organically as you take mindful steps towards belief, ability and grace.

He challenged us to feel without seeing, to dance without hesitation, and to open ourselves to the beauty of authenticity. He pushed us to be present.

You know those moments that come around where you are suddenly hit with a culminating awareness of: "This is EXACTLY where I am supposed to be right now"? Along with feeling as though somehow, both consciously and unconsciously, you have been being prepared for this moment of total understanding for so long... all the prior hints and experiences that added up suddenly are flashing through your brain in total 360 degree focus. The figurative light bulb over your head clicks on, and it's as though your mouth is struck dumb, and all you can utter is something like "oh...wow. WOW." That was what it was like for 4 days for me at this retreat. Continual moments of collective understanding and awe.

Hoop Path Retreat 2009 (pt. 1)

From Hoop Path Retreat 2009

We Have Come To Be Danced

by Jewel Matheison

We have come to be danced
not the pretty dance
not the pretty pretty, pick me, pick me dance
but the claw our way back into the belly
of the sacred, sensual animal dance
the unhinged, unplugged, cat is out of its box dance
the holding the precious moment in the palms
of our hands and feet dance

We have come to be danced
not the jiffy booby, shake your booth for him dance
but the wring the sadness from our skin dance
the blow the chip off our shoulder dance
the slap the apology from our posture dance

We have come to be danced
not the monkey see, monkey do dance
one, two dance like you
one two three, dance like me dance
but the grave robber, tomb stalker
tearing scabs & scars open dance
the rub the rhythm raw against our souls dance

We have come to be danced
not the nice invisible, self conscious shuffle
but the matted hair flying, voodoo mama
shaman shakin ancient bones dance
the strip us from our casings, return our wings
sharpen our claws & tongues dance
the shed dead cells and slip into the luminous skin of love dance

We have come to be danced
not the hold our breath and wallow in the shallow end of the floor dance
but the meeting of the trinity: the body, breath & beat dance
the shout hallelujah from the top of our thighs dance
the mother may I?
yes you may take 10 giant leaps dance
the Olly Olly Oxen Free Free Free dance
the EVERYONE CAN COME TO OUR HEAVEN DANCE

We have come to be danced
where the kingdoms collide
in the cathedral of flesh
to burn back into the light
to unravel, to play, to fly, to pray
to root in skin sanctuary
We have come to be danced

WE HAVE COME

Broken Open

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.